Topic One: Fetal Advertisements
Driving back from Tampa, I realized quickly that I'm not in Pennsylvania. Every five miles on I-75 between Tampa and Ocala, there are these towering signs that insist to me that "A 18 day old fetus's heart is beating!"
Poignant? Quite.
I'd like to remind all those meat eaters, including myself out there, that there was a heart that was beating in the medium-rare steak that you ate for dinner last night. Or that Chicken McNugget...that I love dipped in honey....mmmm...
Topic 2: Making Babies for dummies...and homos...and straights
So recently, the topic of gay marriage was brought up in my presence, and I had someone mention that homosexuality is wrong, because...
(drum roll...)
Gay people can't make babies.
Uh-huh.
Millions of teenagers close their door at night, and pull out what Lady Gaga calls so discretely, their "disco sticks" while they fantasize about...procreation?
We have a billion/trillion dollar global porn industry that Frat boys watch eagerly, while yelling out rude commentary, as porn stars...create life?
Thousands of years ago, the ancient Chinese and Indians wrote indepth discussions about proper foreplay and afterplay, and made a huge fuss about different techniques...just so we can make babies while standing/sitting in different positions?
We buy condoms by the dozens, with "extra-sized, lubricated, ribbed, glow-in-the-dark, self rotating, 2000 rpm, bakes cookies for you, and still manages to satisfy you" additions simply so we can make the whole birthing process...easier?
Come on. That's bull shit and you know it.
Sex is about enjoyment. It just happens that when it's between a man and a woman, who have certain levels of fertility, during certain days of the month, and as long as the female is between the ages of 14 and 50, a baby MAY come out. A surprising byproduct of fun. An odd limiting reagent for how many times most fertile straight people get their jiggy on.
So PLEASE...do not tell me that homosexuality is wrong, unless everytime you and your wife decide to do the dirty, you lie in bed saying. "This is all for Little Bobby" over and over. Damn it. That might be some kinda freaky fetish.
NEXT TOPIC!
Topic 3: Shhhh...Be Vewy Vewy Quiet!...I'm hunting Caweers!
ECO-nOmiCS! The economy is shitty I know...but presently, it's kinda sad that the only jobs that I've been able to get, minus the research position which I'm about to say yes to, is a position in marketing. Marketing.
Marketing, in the case of the companies that are wanting to hire me...is a nice way to say a "Easy-wealth-job-opportunity-with-little-security-and-a-suspicious-job-description-which may-provide-a-commission-that-would-correspond-to-a-below-minimum-wage-salary".
Which is still a nice way to say: FAKKKKKKKEEEEE!
Whatever. I liked being unemployed anyway.
Topic 4: Conversations with Anish in Car between Tampa and Ocala proving that we evolved from Apes.
-Me: It says 21 miles to her house...and it's already 12:07!
-Anish: We won't get there until...like 1.
-Me: What? That's 12:28! You suck at math!
-Anish: Well you suck at shutting up!
-Me: Hari Booty. That sounds like an Indian name. Hari Bhooothiiii!
-Anish: Or African. Dijbouti.
OK Back to Packing...moving tmrw, ya know?
